Year 2, Semester 2, Week 1

Alright so when I said yesterday that being in love would taint how and what I write here, I didn't realize it would happen so fast. It is definitely on my mind now.

This week sucked. I hate to be a Debby Downer and I'm not even sure I want to commit the crap of this week to text, but I need to vent and that's what this blog is for. Hopefully it will make me feel better.

My week pretty much consisted of lots of little things and a few big things that wouldn't be so bad alone, but since they all occurred together it just kept adding up.

My klutz-factor seems to have increased significantly this week. I shut my thumb in my closet door on Sunday, pinched my finger between 2 chairs on Tuesday, opened my bedroom door into my toe last night, and then burned my finger on my straightener 15 minutes later. Like I said, a lot of little things. But they all really hurt, especially burning myself. I burn myself all the time on my straightener, but this was the worst it's ever been. There's a nice little mark on my right index finger right on the knuckle. I'm hoping it doesn't blister, but I think having a scar would be kind of cool. It's like when I was in Bonaire two summers ago and I got stung by a jellyfish. It made the coolest mark and I was actually disappointed that it didn't leave a scar. Then again, a jellyfish sting scar is way cooler than a hair straightener burn scar. I'm just weird.

So now for the big things that happened. On Monday I was woken up from my nap by this shooting pain in my stomach. It was really bad, to the point that nothing made the pain go away. I went to class and then the health center and they basically determined it was because of the grilled cheese I ate at lunch. I'm not convinced. When I have symptoms from dairy they appear much faster. Then I had to walk all the way back to South in a freezing hurricane. And that's only a slight exaggeration. It was windy and cold and pouring rain like I've never seen. By the time I got to my room I was totally soaked, it even soaked through my winter jacket so my shirt underneath was drenched.

Tuesday was a good day. I didn't feel quite up to par health-wise [I still don't], but it was a good day until that night. I guess it was technically Wednesday morning because it was 12:20 am. Andre called to inform me that Emily [his sister] has made it official that she doesn't like me. Her claim is that I treat Andre badly. Now I'm expecting her to try to break us up. Surprisingly, it didn't phase me that much. I know it will blow over. She's totally bipolar, and goes back and forth between loving and hating me every few weeks so she'll change her mind soon. The real reason behind all of this is that she really wants to be my friend but thinks that I need to make all the effort. That's not how I operate. Anyone who knows me knows that I won't continue a relationship that is completely one-sided. Granted, I haven't really made much of an effort, but it's because I know she won't make one even if I do. Plus, I really didn't make an effort to talk to anyone from home last semester except Andre. My bad. So she's mad that we're not friends and is handling it by trying to remove me from Andre's life so I'm out of her life. I don't get it. Did it even occur to her to try talking to me? I've only been back at school for a week and a half. But I'll send her a Facebook message sometime next week just to give her an update about my life so hopefully it will blow over faster. As much as it bothers me, I've let it go. I really don't care what she thinks about me. I know she doesn't have the guts to say or do anything to my face so I just don't care.

Wednesday was not too bad. I had been up late on the phone with Andre so I was feeling more sick than before, but it wasn't terrible. I'm trying to think of what happened on Wednesday, and I can hardly even remember so it must not have been so bad.

Thursday was... long. I had class from 8 to 11 then lab from 11:30 to 1:45. My sore throat came back around 1, so when I got back to the room I showered, then fell asleep watching Mission Impossible 3. It was nice, but didn't make me feel much better. Andre was hanging out with his nephew all night and he doesn't like to talk to me when he's with his friends because he thinks it's rude to text around other people. I knew he would be hanging out with Lam and [of course] I wanted to talk but I figured it wouldn't really happen. We had an extensive discussion about whether we would talk or not, and it was decided that we would. I hate asking him to talk to me when he's busy because I know he doesn't want to and I don't want to be a burden. So I made it clear that I only wanted to talk if he did. He said he did. And I know that he only said it to avoid a fight because we usually fight when he's to busy for me. I've actually gotten a lot better with it, but I'm not anywhere near perfect. So we talked and it was good. It wasn't exciting or anything. It's not like we had a super serious discussion because I knew he was with Lam and I didn't want to start something that would cause me to get frustrated by his delayed answers. I eventually fell asleep and must have woken up in the middle of the night to text him, but I don't remember it. All I remember is see a text he sent that said "so I was thinking about tonight and maybe some rules about how we start taking things..." WHAT??

I'm still slightly paranoid about his sister influencing our relationship, because they do live in the same house, so this text really freaked me out. I sent him a text before class this morning asking what he meant and he never answered so I called him after my nap. I honestly don't know what happened, but the next thing I knew he was yelling at me. Apparently, the fact that last night went really well in terms of talking reminded him of the fact that it has never gone well and he was pissed. At least, that was the first argument. How do you respond to someone when they reinforce your bad behavior? I was so confused that I really didn't have anything to say. I kept asking him why he was yelling at me when last night went well. Then his argument switched to the fact that last night didn't go well. Apparently the fact that we didn't have an important conversation means that talking was pointless. He told me I was selfish for wanting to talk to him all the time. Of course I was crying like a baby. I hate it when he yells at me. He doesn't do it that much so when he does it's because he's really mad. And it kills me every time. I knew I had pushed him past some line that I didn't even know existed because he said something along the lines of he can't handle talking to me all the time, or he needs a break sometimes, or something like that. Not good. So by the end of the conversation I didn't have anything else to say. I said at least twice that we don't have to talk anymore when he's with friends if that's what makes him happy and all he did was keep yelling at me. So I finally said that I had to go because I had my NURDS meeting in 25 min and I was a total wreck. It takes me a while to compose myself after he and I fight. So he hung up on me. It was kind of like the cherry on top of my terrible-week-sundae. Fantastic. So I went to my meeting, and then to lab. Lab was fun, and I like my group, but it's going to be a lot of work. That's what I get for taking a 300 level biology class during sophomore year. When I got out of lab there was a text from Andre that said "I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't want to yell at you but I did. I was mad because of our conversation last night." WELL DUH!! Thank you, Captain Obvious. I tried calling him, but there was no answer. Now it's his turn.

I know things will work out. They always do. And this is one of those issues where it's just so stupid that breaking up over it is ridiculous. I am sure that in a few years when Andre and I are living together and happier, I will regret writing all of this down because now I will be able to remember it with excellent clarity. Oh well. I need to get it out of my system and I really don't have anyone to talk to. I can talk to Erika, but there's a part of me that is convinced that she doesn't really want to hear it. I don't know. I just don't. Now I'm going to dinner with Nick because it will make him happy. Maybe I'll watch Grey's tonight and have a good cry.

Thanks for reading.